This is going to be a rather pointless post today. If something happens to me when I arrive at London or anytime else I desire that my best memories rest somewhere where they will be immortal. Those are the memories I have with my wife. You don’t have to read it, I made this just to free myself from those feelings that burn my soul. That or I just need a virtual shoulder to cry. I am so fucked up in fear, hate and sadness that I can’t even think straight. I try to make piece of mind by stopping to have a smoke and eat something, you know, I always said to everyone that I didn’t smoke because my father used to smoke pretty badly and the last thing I want is to be like that man. Anyways, this is probably going to be long as fuck since the rain doesn’t seem to be ending in the next few hours.
I remember every single detail of the important events in our relationship as if they had happened yesterday, and that’s a lot to say for a man with a memory like mine; I met Claire when she worked on a star bucks near my university... which isn’t a really good direction seeing that in the first world we have starbucks in each corner, is like criminals in Mexico or people on strike in France. I was on a relationship at the time so I just looked at her seeing that she was a very attractive woman. After months of going over there and never talking to her (As I said, I’m kind of shy) I heard her and a friend talking about bloody STREET FIGHTER; I was dying to join the talk but, as I have said: I am shy. But I couldn’t let the chance slip off so I leaved her a note just saying “Call me, Anthony” and leaving her my phone. She did. I was reading something in my personal library when she called. I picked the phone just to hear in a very friendly voice: “Hi! Excuse me, are you Anthony” very insecurely I answered “Yes, you are Claire, the girl from the starbucks, right? I’m the creepy guy with bags in the eyes” she laughed and said “The handsome tall man with the incredibly black hair?” “If you would called me that” and from there, we talked over the phone for hours; we’d stay on the phone, at night till dawn. She was from London, and had suspended her drama studies at the London University (she liked theatre and opera) in order to make them in Oxford, so she was working while waiting for the next semester.
Now, that was on the past decade (I love how it sounds like a lot and it’s just 3 years). Since early 2010 I was single because of my girlfriend Lisa going to France to live. I stayed single for most of the year until august when I met Nora, a pretty fun girl but... yeah... it’s no good to remember that your girlfriend died in a car accident 2 weeks after you started your relationship. Anyways, Claire and I were friends for all that time which leads to or next chapter of my love story that no one wants to know; during September or October I watched this Japanese cartoon series called Angel Beats, a mix bag if you ask me, which didn’t left me much memories of it but the few that did left me were mostly about this character named Yui, an always happy, overly proud, energetic girl which is pretty loud and is always pushing herself to physical limits but for some reason lacks coordination for normal stuff. In other words: Claire made a cartoon.
After finishing the cartoon I talked with her about it and asked her if she could dress like the character just for some fun, coincidentally she had seen it too and thus she agreed rapidly. We went to buy clothes to make the school uniform, some leg belts (or whatever are called, she purchased it, not me), which I love, etc. Etc. Finally we went to change her hair; believe it or not she actually had to CUT her hair in order to have it at hips level. That took more than 9 hours to dye her hair from blonde to hard pink and a huge payment to the employee, but as I have said before I come from a wealthy family and I have (or had) a job, so it wasn’t a big problem. By the end it was little earlier than midnight. When she came out dressed and all... she looked astonishing, she always did and she always does but I didn’t expected her to look so bloody good in the costume. We hopped on the bike and I asked “Should I take you to your place or you have other plans?” she asked me to take her to a local hotel and told me that her roommate had moved to the north, I offered her to stay in my place till she could find a new one and she accepted very happy.
Once at my house I told her that she could sleep wherever she wanted, one of the guest rooms or at my room if she pleased and she said “I’m no sleepy yet, can we watch a movie or something?” after a 20 minutes chat about what should we watch (also, consider I own more than 700 movies on DVD) we decided for Driving Miss Daisy. Halfway through the movie she came closer to me and laid down on my lap and she stayed there some time, just watching at me instead of the movie I lowered my view and kept staring at her, all of a sudden, without thinking it, I started to caress her face, she got up and sat right next to me with one hand on my shoulder and other on my chest; she stared at me for a moment that felt like years and then, slowly, she approached her lips to mine. Now, let me tell you, I am not a stranger for the contact with women, in fact, as I have said: I am very lucky with the ladies, I might go as far as to say I am one of the luckiest mans in that subject... or I was, but even with all my experience in the subject of women, my heart was racing as hard as it could. I couldn’t move nor respond to her kiss, she just kept coming closer and closer for what it felt like centuries, my heart kept going incredibly fast, each second faster, and my body started to feel hot as the sun, I was terrified/incredibly excited like never before, not even my first kiss or my first sexual relationship (which both happened with minutes of difference between one and other) felt like that, so desirable yet so scary. Then it happened: she kissed me, it wasn’t a French kiss, it was just a lovely, lust-free lips kiss. Time went slow while it happened, my heart was about to come out of my chest and then everything stopped: She stopped and looked at me, my heart went incredibly fast for one second and then it went deadly silent, even the air and the animals stopped. I couldn’t talk, I barely could breath I just looked at her appalled as I felt the pain in my heart from how hard it was beating seconds ago. We remained silent for a while and then she said “Excuse me, I didn’t understand what the caress meant, if you are no longer comfortable with me in your house I can leave” I just smiled because I realized that I loved her and that she was the woman for me, the one and only, and said “I love you” with all the honesty in my heart, after that I took her head and kissed her for hours. After some time the “normal” started happening, I putted my hand in her skirt while we kissed and she immediately screamed and pushed me away. She was a virgin, a pure woman never touched by sin. She told me that she wasn’t ready and I accepted it perfectly, because it wasn’t an action driven by lust what I wanted to do, it was pure love out of my heart that driven me to it. After that we went “to sleep” but actually we just kissed more hours in bed.
3 weeks and a few days after our incident in the couch we went to London to meet her fathers, they were the most amazing parents in law to exist ever: Her father is a very fun men, you can talk with him about books, movies, hunting, politics, “mans talk”, economics, what a blast. Her mother on the other hand is a very happy and caring woman which isn’t bad looking at all for a women in her mid 40’s, usually to say “Now I know where ----- took out her beauty” it’s just formality but this time it was for real. Besided, they 2 very open minded people when it came to talking about their daughter’s relantionship.
In London she asked me something really special: to go out on a date, it would be the most normal thing on the world for another couple but for us... it was special, we didn’t had any date, we just freed our love in a single moment. I said yes without a doubt and then we went to sleep, or in my case, just to watch her sleep and caress her head.
She woke up around nine half past nine and the first thing I did was kissing her forehead and saying goos day. We had breakfast at this place called “The little French restaurant” which wasn’t that little actually... anyways; we did our stupid thing and acted like children ordering everything sweet in the menu and acted like teenagers sharing food with each other and even feeding each other. After that we went to a local mall where we stopped at an arcade to play some street fighter. As always, she took Cammy and shoved her up my Ken’s ass to pull her out after and make her dance the tarantella on his cranium while wearing golf shoes. We went to the movies after and entered “Wall Street 2” starring that bloody git from transformers. We didn’t saw it, actually, we were looking at each other and making out. By the time the movie ended it was meal time, surprisingly, she picked up burger king. I remember every detail of that meal because of a little event: she took an enormous bite at her burger and some ketchup and mustard stained her cheek; I took a napkin and cleaned her while laughing and saying “you need to watch out, darling” then she stopped chewing and looked at me with an “angry” face, like when you say something a child doesn’t like but it doesn’t really make him mad. She looked so beautiful, so cute, so lovely; is something I can’t really describe it with words. Then we went for some ice skating... holy fuck... damn... she left me hugging a wall while she went to do some spins and jums, is hard to think that a person who trips over like 4 times a day can have such a coordination on ice. She realized that I was scared to death and tried to teach me something... the whole time I was biting the ice while she giggled and gave me “consolation kisses” then she took my hands and pretty much skated for the two of us... I don’t know what I liked more, not be kissing the floor, her ability or just seeing her face so happy. After that we had a dinner at an Italian restaurant which name I never read and then walked to her parents house... well I walked and she ran laps around me or skipped around. When we arrived home I asked “Did you like our date” she just gave me a kiss, giggle and said “take that as you want”. What about you?, she asked, I answered “It was the best time of life” with a big smile on my face, which is uncommon for me. She stepped inside and closed the door, I was so love-intoxicated that I didn’t notice that I stayed outside till she came running saying “Sorry sorry sorry sorry” and slipped over me.
Once in her room she laid on bed and told me “Travis, you remember that I told you I was afraid of sex” I sat on the bed at her side, took her hand and said “Yes I do, but don’t you worry, I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want to” she smiled and said “But I want to... I’ve talked with my friends and come to realize that... I want to; if it is with you I want to do it” The natural gappened after that. It felt amazingly good but not in a lusty way, it’s not like saying “That blowjob was amazing” or “That threesome was the best in the world” (which you can reckon they are) it was more like “It felt so good helping that lady”. More like a moral accomplishment, a good accomplishment. That morning, while we were half asleep I said “Claire, honey, are you asleep” she mumbled “No” as she took more of the blanket “Do you love me” I asked; she rapidly got up and said “Of course, how can you doubt it?” making an impressively cute angry face. “It’s not that... I was wondering... –I took her hand with mine and looked her to the eyes – would you marry me?” Her hand fell of and she stared at me for a few seconds. Then she shouted so hard that my ears almost explode “Yes! Of course! I love you! And then she gave me a huge kiss. It was the best moment in all my life.
Good times, good times. You can’t see, but a huge smile is on my face right now. Excuse me for such a post but I had to... you just can’t understand how much I love that woman. I have to get over this, I have to see her again, I just have to.